Good manners
Dating a BBW Respectfully: What to Say and What to Skip
Compliments that land, questions to skip and a first meet that feels easy.
Talk to the person, not the size. Compliment something specific she would like noticed, ask before anything physical and take a no as final. Leave weight, dress size and diets alone unless she raises them, and plan the same sort of date you would for anyone.
Compliments that land
A good compliment is specific, sincere and about her, not a measurement. Unsure which words she might like? What BBW means explains how the label is used.
| Instead of | Try | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| ‘You’re hot.’ | ‘That green dress and that grin make a great pair.’ | A specific line sounds meant. |
| ‘Pretty for a big girl.’ | ‘You look gorgeous.’ | A qualifier turns praise into a backhander. |
| A first line about her body | A first line about something she wrote | It shows you read her profile. |
| ‘Send me more pics.’ | ‘What do you like doing on a day off?’ | You are asking about her, not for material. |
Questions and remarks to leave out
Weight stigma does real harm. A 2020 international consensus statement in Nature Medicine, drawn up by a multidisciplinary group of experts, says it can cause physical and psychological harm and is unacceptable in modern societies. Do not add to it.
- Her weight, her dress size or whether she is on a diet.
- Health advice she did not ask for.
- Comparisons with other women, or with how she used to look.
- Praise for being brave, as if confidence were a surprise.
- Treating her body as a type to tick off.
Consent, said out loud
Consent is a clear yes from both of you, and either of you can change it at any point. Ask before you touch, check in as things move on and stop at once when the answer is no or a pause. Silence is not a yes. For more on consent, read consent and casual sex on the main site.
Someone rude about a member’s body? Block them and report the message or profile. Harassing other members breaks the conduct rules, and the safety page lists the tools that back you up.
A first meet that feels easy
Chat until it feels easy
Use the site’s private messages and say plainly what you both want before you plan anything. Stuck for a first line? BBW near me has openers that work.
Plan the date you would plan for anyone
A 2016 study by Collisson and colleagues, ‘Date someone your own size’, found people rated mixed-weight couples less favourably and advised them to pick less public, less active, cheaper dates. Do not hide her away: choose somewhere public and fun.
Tell a friend
Share where you are going and when you will check in, and arrange your own ride home. The main site’s guide to meeting for sex safely sets out the whole routine.
Read the room
If either of you stops feeling it, say so kindly and leave. Nobody owes anyone a second date.
Dating a BBW: your questions answered
How do I compliment a BBW without being awkward?
Be specific and sincere. Mention something from her profile, such as a photo, a joke or a hobby, and say it plainly. Skip qualifiers like ‘for a big girl’ and skip comments on weight altogether unless she brings it up.
Can I ask about her size?
Better not. Dress size and weight are not your business unless she raises them. If you want to know what she likes, ask about her tastes, what she is open to and how she wants to meet.
How do I know she is interested?
Look for replies that are warm, specific and come with questions back. If answers get shorter or slower, or the subject keeps changing, take that as a no for now. When in doubt, ask plainly. A direct question beats a guess, and a no is a complete answer.
Is it okay to say I prefer larger women?
Yes, said politely. Say what you like and why you are here, ask what she is open to and take her answer. Being drawn to curves is fine; treating a person as a category is not.
Sources and dates
This guide is general information, not advice.
- Rubino, Puhl and colleagues, Joint international consensus statement for ending stigma of obesity, Nature Medicine (2020)
- Collisson, Howell, Rusbasan and Rosenfeld, ‘Date someone your own size’ (2016)
- Local Sex Meets Terms and Conditions, conduct rules (last updated 11 June 2024)